..jO-aN tAn..
..fEmaLe..
..24 yrs old..
..8th aUg 1984..
..leO..
..seconds_09@hotmail.com..
..curRentLy attAchEd tO anDreW..
..coNfUs|onS..
..soFt-hEarTeDneSS..
..uNceRta|n|ty |n l|fE..
..sTrOng eMot|onS..
..a fAkE stRonG fRoNt..
..iNdEc|s|veneSs..
Click here if you Aint liking me D:
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June 2007
July 2007
August 2007
September 2007
October 2007
November 2007
December 2007
January 2008
February 2008
March 2008
April 2008
May 2008
June 2008
July 2008
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October 2008
November 2008
December 2008
January 2009
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March 2009
April 2009
May 2009
June 2009
..niCe movIe i must say....juz came back frm the theatre..
..dupEr touching..
..make me tear sO much..
(think i scaRed someone when i cry)
..mUz go watcH..
The ten promises:
1. Please live patiently with me.
2. Please believe in me. Just doing that makes me happy.
3. Please don't forget that I have feelings.
4. There's a reason when I don't listen to you.
5. Please talk a lot to me. I can't speak human, but I understand.
6. Please don't hit me. Don't forget that I'm stronger when we fight.
7. Let's get along even when I get older.
8. I can only live about ten years. So please spend a lot of time with me.
9. You have school and friends. But I only have you.
10. When I die, please, stay by my side. And please remember. That I loved you my whole life.
..a pic of my sLeepy babY..
..This movie made me rethink about alot of things..
..thanks for being there for me baby..
..u have been the moSt wonDerfuL friEnd for the past 7 yrs..
..love ya..
..sry tO make u not sleep for two days..
..and dragged u to do so many things with me..
..i noe u are tired but wan to make me happy..
..thanks darling..
..for the efforts and time u spent on me..
Saturday, June 28, 2008 at 6:01 AM
..am i trying to kill myself by not sleeping..
Monday, June 23, 2008 at 6:13 AM
..i am still unable to sleep..
..when u dun sleep at nite..
..u will tend to think alot..
..things in the past are coming back to me..
..i saw him on friday..
..boy..i was so shocked..
..i m alr drunk when i saw him..
..we didnt talked..
..like as though we dunno each other..
..dun be mistaken here..
..i am not having insomnia cause of him..
..jus so happened that i saw him that day..
..though i still have weird feelings for him..
..he looked tired and thinner..
..kind of like fighting a very difficult war..
..i feel upset seeing him this way though..
..but i cant do anything for him now..
..sometimes it is difficult to hide my feelings to everyone..
..i have been afraid..
..keep withdrawing myself to my own world..
..worried abt how others see and judge abt me..
..slowly..
..i tend to make decisions that make everyone happy..
..but i forgo my own feelings..
..i no longer see "me" inside my world..
..hearing ppl say that..
.."she wun do this to me..i noe she wun..
..but since she did it..she will no longer be my sister..
..we can never be friends"..
..sounded harsh bahz..
..i can utd why she said so though..
..but it is no longer something that i make the choice alone..
..i am sry..
..though i have always not be able to make any good decisions in my life..
..i have meet ppl that are really good to me..
..they have been by my side frm time to time..
..listening to my nonsenses and rubbishs..
..i am really glad to have them in my life..
..as for now..
..i have ppl whom make me feel impt..
..i have ppl the makes me feel loved..
..i have ppl tht i keep in mind..
..i have ppl whom we shared plans tgt..
..i am contented..
..a big hug to those that makes my life worthwhile..
..i mean this to everyone..
..cause without every single of u..
..everything will be different..
..so..
..let's carry on partying like no tml..
..let's not waste any day in our life..
..let's create more enjoyable memories tgt..
..i will seriously think abt wat i really wan in the future..
Sunday, June 22, 2008 at 7:52 AM
..i really mean very very serious ones..
..leave me alone..
..i am monstrous when i didnt have enuff sleep..
Monday, June 16, 2008 at 7:21 AM
..but i cant sleep..
..i feel drained out..
..i need to recharge..
..but why is my mind so occupied..
..can i be excused in everything today..
..wat a long night i went thru ytd..
..drained..
Sunday, June 15, 2008 at 11:23 AM
..sEx aNd thE cIty..
..nIce shOw tO catch ya..
..sO go waTch it..
..i cant help feeing a little down after i watch the movie..
..i recalled the times when i was out of love..
..i recalled the times i didnt wan to listan to explainations..
..i recalled the times when i hide myself away..
..sleeping all my time away..
..hoping everything is juz a dreams..
..then..
..that is where all my loved ones walked into my life..
..where all of them stood by me..
..where all of them hug and cried with me..
..i felt the bliss at a sudden moment..
..i cant describe this whole feeling out in words..
..but every single things everyone do..
..makes me realise..
..i do really still exist in the world..
..even though i hide..
..i love all of u..
..u guys rock!!..
..thanks darlings..
Wednesday, June 11, 2008 at 4:54 AM
..wat a day it is..
..bRougHt me back alot of memOries..
..meet up with my super old schoolmates for a gathering!!!!..
..thanks kenny for the planning though..
..tIme of meeTing..
..5.30pM..
..location of the day..
..sWensoN's [mArinA sQuare bRanch]..
..pAxs oF ppL atTending..
..30 paXs!!!!..
..wOnderfuL dinNer i muz say..
..sEe ppL that i diDnt get tO see for 4-5 yrs..
..been busy catching up wiTh eaCh otHer..
..everyone seems tO be the same..
..reaLLy miss those days in scHool..
..aFter that lonG dinnEr @ a suPer long table..
..endlEss of photo-taking sections..
..30 of uS split into 3 grps..
..hOme..
..iCe-creaMs..
..kTv..
..oF courSe i Am in thE kTv grp..
..sO long sincE i really weNt sinGing aT a kTv rOom..
..i reaLLy enjoyed thE time i sPend wiTh thEm..
..bEen niCe tO bE likE in tHe pasT and siNg toGeTheR..
..bEen aLwaYs a hUngRy giRl..
..i madE a fEw oF thEM tO gO suPpeR wiTh me..
..bAck tO ciRcuIt roAd..
..bAck tO thE plaCe whEre i loVed..
..bAck tO bE likE thE pasT..
..acTive anD fUn..
..nO financial burdens..
..nO career prospects tO woRry..
..had a gReAt time ovEr at suPper..
..iT haD beeN jus uS..
..liKe thOse gOOd oLd days..
..taLkinG noNseNse and pLayIng..
..sUddEnLy wiSh thAt i did nOt grOwn up..
..lOokiNg rEaL fOrwArd fOr thE nXt gatHerIng..
..cHeeRs gUys..
Monday, June 9, 2008 at 4:27 AM
..i hate making decisions..
..can i excused from making decisions?..
..i dunno if i shld go out..
..i dunno where to go..
..i dunno who to go out with..
..i dunno wat to do when i am outside..
..it is forever so contradicting in life..
..the things u hate to do..
..the more often u have to do it..
..the more i dont like to decide..
..the more choices i am facing in life..
.."its how much u want it"..
..if i really want it badly..
..i will have to go all out of it rite?..
..even after awhile i realised i had pursued after a wrong choice..
..i noe that at least i have made an effort..
..at least i did sth and tried my best?..
..NO..
..i am afraid of failures..
..i am afraid of making the wrong choices..
..choices tt i will make me feel more miserable n unhappy..
..i dun wan to waste my efforts..
..i dun wan to go back to the starting pt where i tried so hard to make e first big step..
..i dun wan to hear myself say..
..i dun wan to regret..
..why is there so many choices in life..
..i have to learn and choose the correct and most suitable one..
..which is close to impossible..
..following my feelings aso wrong..
..following my mind aso wrong..
..i am almost drained out..
..having mood swings recently..
..the most intolerable and disgusted ones..
..i begin to feel disgusted with my procrastination and indecisiveness..
..i cant let it go on..
..its eating and growing into me..
..tired..
..tired of expectations..
..tired of how ppl judge me..
..tired on how tO do things right..
..i wan to be alone..
..living in my own self-denial..
..there's somEthing missing in my life..
..the simpLe happiness i yearn to have..
..i feel aimless and lost.
..i need my direction back..
..i realised most of the times..
..when i provide a listening ear n give advices..
..wat i console others is wad i can never do it myself..
..its like when ur mind is telling u..
.."u SHLD b doing this!! tHis is the correct way!! tHis is the best for evEryoNe!!"..
..den the heart says,
.."nOno!! dUn do tAt.. tat's not how u FEEL!! u will regret it one day!!"..
..but anyways..
..be it the heart or mind..
..rational or emotional..
..i always lose to my heart and emotions..
..i'm feeling low AGAIN..
..i didnt wish i am like this..
..i dun wish to analyse anymore..
..i stopped being understanding..
..sth triggered it off..
..i forgot how it feels like to be blissful..
..i forgot the ability to put my all in the things i do..
..distraught..anger..disgusted.
..SO i escape..
..i no longer have any interest in anyone's affairs..
..i started to grow on myself..
..i began to lock myself in my heart..
..confidence level falls in the red zone..
..i still produce whatever i can along the way..
.."fell down, pick urself up, start walking again.."
..which idiot started this..
..can i sit at where i fall and cry till i am ready to stand up..
..i noe i need mistakes to grow up..
..i noe that it will makes me grow stronger..
..but i alr cannot take all the pain and hurt..
..i am afraid to make any first move now..
..i wan to be a hermit crab..
..hide in the place i am most comfortable with..
Friday, June 6, 2008 at 9:33 PM
你会发现你会讶异
你是我最压抑
最深处的秘密
如果你愿意一层一层一层的剥开我的心
你会鼻酸你会流泪
只要你能听到我
看到我的全心全意
..emptiness engulfed me when i am alone in the night...
..the ball is in my court..
..i dunno how to continue the rest of the game.
..i'm very tired..
..i wanna escape..
.sighs.
at 6:24 AM
hu ~我什么什么都愿意
翻开日记整理心情
hu ~我真的真的想放弃
你始终没有爱过
你在敷衍我
一次一次忽略我的感受
我真的感到力不从心
无力继续
这感情 不值得我犹豫
不值得我考虑
不值得我爱过你
这种回忆 不值得我提起
不值得想起
不值得哭泣
这段感情 早就应该放弃
早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹
这样的你 不值得我恨你
不值得我为你而坏了心情
我决定不为你而毁了心
放弃爱你
除了想你除了爱你
hu ~我什么什么都愿意
翻开日记打开心情
hu ~我真的真的想放弃
你始终没有爱过
你在敷衍我
一次一次忽略我的感受
我真的感到力不从心
无力继续
这感情 不值得我犹豫
不值得我考虑
不值得我爱过你
这种回忆 不值得我提起
不值得想起
不值得哭泣
这段感情 早就应该放弃
早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹
这样的你 不值得我恨你
不值得我为你而坏了心情
我决定不为你而毁了心
不为你而放弃爱情
不为你而毁了心
我决定不为你而毁了心
放弃爱你
..favouRite sOng of miNe..
..a soNg tat teLLs hOw i feeL..
..a sOng that makes me teAr eAcH tiMe i hEar..
..a soNg thaT makes me waNna listen anD agAin..
...« If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, Nothing can make him stay...»
Thursday, June 5, 2008 at 6:12 PM
..my two bosses..cant fInd malcom to take the pic..
..dOn and me..
..aH yang and me..
..steLLa and me ouTside le bAr..
..jErRin and me..
..mE and joLyn..
..mE and wenDy..
..mE and kUiwEi..
..mE and keLviN..
..miChaeL and mE..
..mE and anDreW..
..e four oF us @ le baR..
..le bAr was so crowded on that day..
..and of course..
..my dear bOss was drunK..
..it was fUn and enjOyabLe..
..didnt gEt everYone to pOse fOr a shOt..
..eVeryOne was sO busy..
..i wiLL tRy tO get eVerYonE's pHotOs sOoN..
..i pRomIse..
Wednesday, June 4, 2008 at 4:32 PM
..i have to admit for feeling a little down..
..i am sO lost..
..the feeling of losing u again makes me dunno wat to do again..
..the question is..
..did i even have u in the first place..
..i dun wan to lose u yet i cannot have u..
..u say i choose it this way..
..i dun wan to get hurt by u again..
..yet i cannot leave u..
..wat shld i do..
..let's be friends first..
..let me escape frm the reality now..
..we both need to really think..
Tuesday, June 3, 2008 at 7:17 PM