alone

- mOleCuLes Of mE -


..jO-aN tAn..
..fEmaLe..
..24 yrs old..
..8th aUg 1984..
..leO..
..seconds_09@hotmail.com..
..curRentLy attAchEd tO anDreW..

- aToms iN mE-

..coNfUs|onS..
..soFt-hEarTeDneSS..
..uNceRta|n|ty |n l|fE..
..sTrOng eMot|onS..
..a fAkE stRonG fRoNt..
..iNdEc|s|veneSs..

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- aDvErtismenTs -


..been having a busy week..
..worked for monday to friday at le bar..
..really tiring..
..not to mention that last sunday when to dragonfly with everyone at le bar..
..fun but really tiring..

..been working at le bar for a long time i guess..
..alot of things changes..
..i am no longer like the past..
..and i dun wan to be like the past..

..being alone now is so peaceful and nice..
..no one nag at u by ur ears..
..no one telling u where to go and wat to do..
..no one even bothers u if u drink too much..
..best really..

..been talking to a friend i didnt catch up for a long time..
..maybe we was not really to face each other for quite some time bahz..
..now we can even sms to wee hours in the morning..
..as friends only..

..we talked abt times we have at 97..
..times we have fun shopping and all..
..everyone grow up i supposed..
..no one longed for those everyday drink drank and drunk situations le..
..jus sometimes meet for a gathering and drink bahz..

..i am really glad that we are at least talking to each other now..
..feel really bad to treat him not that well those times back..
..he is really someone that treat me really well though..
..perhaps we are not the fated ones bahz..

..found this in teNg's blog..
..I can't help thinking how right is this statement...
..I never stopped loving you the moment you hurt me..
..I just stopped trusting you..
..it really describes the feeling within me..

..though we no longer contact..
..though i no longer ask abt him anymore..
..though i dun feel so empty at le bar le..
..though i dun feel so hurt thinking abt him and our past anymore..
..i am still thankful that he acutally walked down the road with me for awhile..

..i see things i never thought i will..
..i realise that i can be fine being alone as long i have faith..
..i realise that i can be stronger than wat i used to be..
..i realise that being alone is not so frightened as i think..
..i realise that as long the ppl i need them to stand by me..
..i will feel more than contented..

..i realised that he made me grow up..
..and i thank him for that..

..i still heart him..

..守护著等奇迹的你..
Sunday, April 27, 2008 at 10:02 AM


..to be stuck in between of them...
..i really dunno wat is this feeling abt..

..i really feel he still love her..
..i aso feel she still love him too..
..but..
..i seems to be the third party..

..i hate this feeling..
..i dun like to be in between..
..i dun wan to be the person sandwiched..

..i dun wan to take his and her words seriously..
..but i cant..

...i seen how the love grown..
..i knew how and wat everything is abt..
..i dun how to solve..

..i wanna help them..
..even it means to sacrifice my time and all..
..i will..

..pls..
..dun let me to feel difficult..
..i wan both of u to be happy..

..守护著等奇迹的你..
Wednesday, April 16, 2008 at 5:38 AM


..tiring day i muz say..
..very long didnt step into the kitchen and cook le..
..been craving for bbq steamboat today..
..hOs is closed today so wat to do..
..prepare steamboat @ home bahz..

..acutally mummy wanna cook chicken curry today de..
..but since jiayUn dun have to teach tution today..
..and everyone will be home for dinner today..
..so let's have steamboat..

..been very long since i prepared food for steamboat liaoz..
..ever since from the time i leave hOs..
..i dun even hold knife to cut any raw food at all..
..not to even say washing of oily dishes..
..been very rusty of holding a knife and cooking my tom yam soup..

..thanks goodness everything turns out well ya..
..the soup is a little spicy though..
..have a pic on the food prepared though..

wat a spread!!! ..well..
..it turns out to be a good dinner..
..been very long since the family got together for dinner..
..though we didnt talk much but the feeling of getting together is good..

..seriously speaking..
..each time i prepared steamboat..
..i will always think about those days at hOs..
..be it with aunt jen and uncle henry or with eddie..
..those are the days i really learn and have fun..

..of course there are times when it is so busy that everyone is cursing and swearing..
..times when there are endless boxes of food to be cut..
..times when there are stacks and stacks of dishes to be washed..
..inside a small and hot kitchen with the tom yam soup boiling behind..

..i miss those days..
..everyone work as one..
..i really mean to really work as a team and a family..
..no one is slacking or lazing somewhere..
..everyone noes that everyone is trying very hard to multi-tasks..
..been busy and tiring..
..yet happy and fulfiling..

..after clearing the tables and washing of the dishes..
..we often will have bbq steamboat as supper together..
..sitting ard..
..laughing and complaing abt work together like a family..
..running ard with the cam..
..taking pictures of wat others are doing seems to be a normal thing ya..
..see thoses faces and u will noe everyone is happy..
..we even have games for the unfinished food on the tables..
..everyone looked so silly at that times..

..below are some pictures..
(..i cant upload the video..sry..)

mE cutting the tioman fish

huisAn n jeReMy during supper

the famous NO eAtinG sign..no matter wat..
..it has been wonderful memories for me..
..they will always have a place in my heart..


..守护著等奇迹的你..
Tuesday, April 15, 2008 at 2:11 AM


..i wan to be left alone..
..i enjoy being alone now..
..i hate to entertain ppl i dun want to entertain..

..leave me alone..
..i need my space..
..thanks..

..in the midst of changing..

..守护著等奇迹的你..
Thursday, April 10, 2008 at 11:26 AM