..didnt catch a wink since i woke up at 5pm in the evening ytd..
..confused state of mind since last fri..
..my pillar at work has gone..

..i always tot i am a strong girl at work..
..i always tot i noe how to draw a clear line btw work and personal..
..how wrong i am..

..he ask me out that day when i am at le bar..
..we walked quite far and talk..
..his hand gently move my hair in place..
..his eyes was so gentle..
..he say he is leaving..

..my heart broken into pieces..
..i tot they were alr shattered into millions..
..i tot i wun feel this nonsense feelings anymore..
..i looked at him in a daze..
..i replied "orhz..ok" umpteen times..

..even now when i write this..
..my heart will ache..
..it feels as though something is squeezing it so hard..
..so hard that i cant breath..

..i didnt cry in front of him..
..i didnt even dare to show any expression on my face..
..i dunno wat i can do for him at that pt..
..doing wat things at that pt is a burden or relief i dunno..
..i juz dun wan to do anything..

..i wanted so much to hug him..
..i wanted so much to ask him not to leave..
..i wanted so much to be like a spoilt child to get the things they wan..
..i wanted so much to ask him to take me with him..
..but who am i to ask for all that..

..i hid myself in the toilet a few times that day..
..i could not control my tears frm falling when ppl ask abt him..
..i could not control when i hear the songs he always sing..
..i am totally lost..

..i am so afraid that i will not even see him again..
..even though i admit that after all issues..
..i remain at le bar is because i still wanna see him..
..even without talking..
..without any eye contact..
..i still can noe how he is doing..
..now..
..i am not even given that little chance..

..i lost someone i hold dearly in my heart..
..i make myself bury that feelings i have for him..
..even how difficult it is to hide my feelings..
..i still try my very best..

..le bar is so empty without him..
..my eyes dunno where to follow..
..now i will only keep staring at the door..
..hoping one day he will walk in..

..have a heartfelt talk with jiayun ytd at cabana..
..i blured out my inner feelings totally..
..my heart no longer hold that hope of us being together anymore..
..i dun wan to force him anymore..

..maybe it is true that i am really not the one for him..
..i alr lost him to my own wilfulness and stubborness..
..i make him lost total hope in having a rship with me..
..all i hope now is to stay beside him..
..even that means he never will see that me beside..

..i no longer blame him for making me choose and leave me alone..
..i did everything willingly for him..
..not cause i have to..
..is because i wanted to..
..i wan to have him in my life..
..i wan to share every moment i can with him..
..even that means we can only be the most normal friends..

..the urge of seeing him..
..grew over the days..
..i juz hope the best for him..

..pls..
..at least grant my wish for once..