- mOleCuLes Of mE -
..jO-aN tAn..
..fEmaLe..
..24 yrs old..
..8th aUg 1984..
..leO..
..seconds_09@hotmail.com..
..curRentLy attAchEd tO anDreW..
- aToms iN mE-
..coNfUs|onS..
..soFt-hEarTeDneSS..
..uNceRta|n|ty |n l|fE..
..sTrOng eMot|onS..
..a fAkE stRonG fRoNt..
..iNdEc|s|veneSs..
Click here if you Aint liking me D:
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- hEr mEmor|eS -
May 2007
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- nO of v|stors -
- now playing -
- aDvErtismenTs -
..been very long since i am awake during this time of the day..
..have been catching up with my taiwan dramas since i am having this stupid tummy ache the whole night..
..i miss him..
..looking at dramas..
..makes me always think that i wan to have a relationship like theirs..
..i noe i sound like a girl that wanted love so much now..
..but given a choice wun u wan a relationship like theirs..
..even though each and everytime i will choose a different male lead than the female lead..
..but they are still the ones i am looking for ya..
..been thinking alot this two days after that talk with jerRin at cabana..
..ppl tend to think that they have all the time in the world..
..everyone will always be beside unless they dun wan them too..
..or shld i say i think that bahz..
..true enuff..
..when i first started with him..
..i did say that "wE hAvE tiMe tO reAliSe tHis and tHat"..
.."wE stiLL hAvE a lOnG wAy tO gO"..
..i somehow realised that maybe cause he is older that me..
..my little actions and nonsense he will give a little more patient that wat the younger ones can give me..
..i was wrong..
..i realised now..
..i blame myself for not spending enuff time with him..
..i blame myself for being not that understanding..
..i blame myself for spending too much time in making him angry..
..i blame myself for not trying to be the best of myself when i am with him..
..i blame myself for being that annoying and wilful princess..
..i realised now..
..i miss holding hands with him..
..i miss that feeling of sitting beside him in the car..
..helping him applying that moisture cream while he is driving with one hand..
..i miss the way he look when he is driving..
..i miss the way he tell me "u ArE thE onLy oNe i aLLow tO eaT iN mY cAr"..
..i miss the way he wan me to feed him with fries and nuggets when driving me to work..
..i miss his hugs and pinching on my cheeks..
..i never realise i miss him so much..
..time cannot turn back..
..i tried to let him noe alot of things..
..i tried to show him that my attitude towards him is indifferent..
..i tried to let him realise that i will be fine without u by my side..
..i only wan him to be happy..
..even that means to see him with others..
..i think i will be able to take it..
..even it means to help him get the girl..
..i really will..
..i promise not to be angry with him anymore..
..i will accept everything that come to me..
..i really mean it..
..i only wan him to be happy..
..sO pLs bE haPpy..
..have been catching up with my taiwan dramas since i am having this stupid tummy ache the whole night..
..i miss him..
..looking at dramas..
..makes me always think that i wan to have a relationship like theirs..
..i noe i sound like a girl that wanted love so much now..
..but given a choice wun u wan a relationship like theirs..
..even though each and everytime i will choose a different male lead than the female lead..
..but they are still the ones i am looking for ya..
..been thinking alot this two days after that talk with jerRin at cabana..
..ppl tend to think that they have all the time in the world..
..everyone will always be beside unless they dun wan them too..
..or shld i say i think that bahz..
..true enuff..
..when i first started with him..
..i did say that "wE hAvE tiMe tO reAliSe tHis and tHat"..
.."wE stiLL hAvE a lOnG wAy tO gO"..
..i somehow realised that maybe cause he is older that me..
..my little actions and nonsense he will give a little more patient that wat the younger ones can give me..
..i was wrong..
..i realised now..
..i blame myself for not spending enuff time with him..
..i blame myself for being not that understanding..
..i blame myself for spending too much time in making him angry..
..i blame myself for not trying to be the best of myself when i am with him..
..i blame myself for being that annoying and wilful princess..
..i realised now..
..i miss holding hands with him..
..i miss that feeling of sitting beside him in the car..
..helping him applying that moisture cream while he is driving with one hand..
..i miss the way he look when he is driving..
..i miss the way he tell me "u ArE thE onLy oNe i aLLow tO eaT iN mY cAr"..
..i miss the way he wan me to feed him with fries and nuggets when driving me to work..
..i miss his hugs and pinching on my cheeks..
..i never realise i miss him so much..
..time cannot turn back..
..i tried to let him noe alot of things..
..i tried to show him that my attitude towards him is indifferent..
..i tried to let him realise that i will be fine without u by my side..
..i only wan him to be happy..
..even that means to see him with others..
..i think i will be able to take it..
..even it means to help him get the girl..
..i really will..
..i promise not to be angry with him anymore..
..i will accept everything that come to me..
..i really mean it..
..i only wan him to be happy..
..sO pLs bE haPpy..
..守护著等奇迹的你..
Thursday, February 21, 2008 at 11:13 AM
Thursday, February 21, 2008 at 11:13 AM
..realised i haven been updating my blog..
..so many little little things happened..
..sad to say..
..i am slowly moving toward complicated again..
..tiring..
..been working frm Valentine's day till sunday..
..i really feel so old liaoz..
..juz 4 days..
..i feel so drained out..
..on the 7th day of lunar new year which is the day before V-day..
..went down to acoustic..
..drunk as usual ya..
..but so glad to go down..
..i caught up with so many ppl that i didnt see for a long time..
..brought back memories that i used to treasure so much..
..he didnt turn up on V-day..
..true enuff..
..i am being a little kid again..
..keep thinking that he is out with other girl..
..a girl that i really feel that i lost to her..
..or maybe it is cause of that day bahz..
..that gentle look in his eyes while looking at her..
..the way he bring himself before her..
..the day after V-day..
..i made a decision so strongly..
..i decided to let him go..
..i decided to end wat we are in the state of ours..
..i did something i tot i am right..
..all of us @ le bar were drunk..
..he touched my head in front of customers..
..he came over to talk to me when i am smoking out alone..
..he squated in front of me putting his hands on my knees..
..i knew he was drunk..
..i tot i can be cold..
..i told him to take care and stop drinking as he need to drive later..
..i feel hurt seeing him like tat..
..me and jeRrin went boat quey after work..
..he sent us over..
..i didnt wan to sit in front so i took a seat behind..
..i am drunk..
..i didnt even noe when to get down..
..but i heard his words..
.."bAby..whEre dO u wannA gO"..
..i chose to run away..
..i choose to sms him and tell him..
.."sorrY i let u dOwn"..
..i cried again..
..but with the tears falling i was saying everything is over to everyone..
..sat came..
..jerRin need tO go off early..
..my heart was confused..
..wat shld i do after work..
..my whole face was telling him that i did do something..
..he wan tO noe wat i did..
..i didnt want to drink..
..but at ard 1..
..i drink again..
..might be due to previous nights of drunkness..
..i cant hold my liquor well..
..i did something so bad..
..i waited for hime to come out of le bar..
..i allowed two i dun even noe who to send me away..
..to send me away frm him..
..i went to cabana..
..he called me..
..i cried over the phone..
..telling him how i feel..
..i was even abt to throw temper on him..
..i realised that it still hurts..
..like as though it is the first day..
..he wanna talk to me that day..
..he wanna send me home that day..
..he ask me not to cry..
..he was saying he aso have the feelings..
..but he dunno wat he want..
..sunday came..
..i really hate sundays..
..3 weeks le..
..we finally talk not only work at le bar le..
..he forced me to eat things that i dun wan..
..he say alots of stuffs that this time round i dun have to listen thru jerRin..
..he was a little pissed off seeing guys getting close tO me..
..he get annoyed when he kept seeing me passing my phone tO jerRin..
..noeing it is nutting gooD at all..
..i dunno wat is this feeling..
..i dun even wan to admit that i still feel hurt..
..so many little little things happened..
..sad to say..
..i am slowly moving toward complicated again..
..tiring..
..been working frm Valentine's day till sunday..
..i really feel so old liaoz..
..juz 4 days..
..i feel so drained out..
..on the 7th day of lunar new year which is the day before V-day..
..went down to acoustic..
..drunk as usual ya..
..but so glad to go down..
..i caught up with so many ppl that i didnt see for a long time..
..brought back memories that i used to treasure so much..
..he didnt turn up on V-day..
..true enuff..
..i am being a little kid again..
..keep thinking that he is out with other girl..
..a girl that i really feel that i lost to her..
..or maybe it is cause of that day bahz..
..that gentle look in his eyes while looking at her..
..the way he bring himself before her..
..the day after V-day..
..i made a decision so strongly..
..i decided to let him go..
..i decided to end wat we are in the state of ours..
..i did something i tot i am right..
..all of us @ le bar were drunk..
..he touched my head in front of customers..
..he came over to talk to me when i am smoking out alone..
..he squated in front of me putting his hands on my knees..
..i knew he was drunk..
..i tot i can be cold..
..i told him to take care and stop drinking as he need to drive later..
..i feel hurt seeing him like tat..
..me and jeRrin went boat quey after work..
..he sent us over..
..i didnt wan to sit in front so i took a seat behind..
..i am drunk..
..i didnt even noe when to get down..
..but i heard his words..
.."bAby..whEre dO u wannA gO"..
..i chose to run away..
..i choose to sms him and tell him..
.."sorrY i let u dOwn"..
..i cried again..
..but with the tears falling i was saying everything is over to everyone..
..sat came..
..jerRin need tO go off early..
..my heart was confused..
..wat shld i do after work..
..my whole face was telling him that i did do something..
..he wan tO noe wat i did..
..i didnt want to drink..
..but at ard 1..
..i drink again..
..might be due to previous nights of drunkness..
..i cant hold my liquor well..
..i did something so bad..
..i waited for hime to come out of le bar..
..i allowed two i dun even noe who to send me away..
..to send me away frm him..
..i went to cabana..
..he called me..
..i cried over the phone..
..telling him how i feel..
..i was even abt to throw temper on him..
..i realised that it still hurts..
..like as though it is the first day..
..he wanna talk to me that day..
..he wanna send me home that day..
..he ask me not to cry..
..he was saying he aso have the feelings..
..but he dunno wat he want..
..sunday came..
..i really hate sundays..
..3 weeks le..
..we finally talk not only work at le bar le..
..he forced me to eat things that i dun wan..
..he say alots of stuffs that this time round i dun have to listen thru jerRin..
..he was a little pissed off seeing guys getting close tO me..
..he get annoyed when he kept seeing me passing my phone tO jerRin..
..noeing it is nutting gooD at all..
..i dunno wat is this feeling..
..i dun even wan to admit that i still feel hurt..
..i dun wan to carry on like this..
..i dun wan to give myself hope and realise everything is not wat i wan..
..i need an answer..
..can u pls give me one???..
..守护著等奇迹的你..
Tuesday, February 19, 2008 at 9:18 AM
Tuesday, February 19, 2008 at 9:18 AM
..i promise myself to let it go..
..i promise myself dat i only wish for u to be happy..
..i told myself even without being together..
..i believe i am still able to see u happy..
..i text u ytd..
..i am sorry..
..my tone is harsh..
..i am being a kid again..
..but i dunno how to hide my feeling ytd..
..i have too much a drop..
..to pretend to be happy in front of everyone is difficult..
..to pretend tat nutting happen is difficult..
..to pretend i dun care abt u is difficult..
..i am equally lost..
..even jiAyun and jErRin told me that botH have our own stand..
..i dunno why i am so unable to let go..
..i really dunno wat to do..
..i tot that if i can treat things easier..
..i tot that if i can be back to normal..
..i tot that by showing u that i dun feel hurt..
..everything ard us will be better..
..it will be better for the both of us..
...i cried again..
..i hate it when i cried..
..i totally feel like a kid to cry..
..wat shld i do to pick myself up again..
..my head is spinning..
..i never knew i loved u so much..
..i promise myself dat i only wish for u to be happy..
..i told myself even without being together..
..i believe i am still able to see u happy..
..i text u ytd..
..i am sorry..
..my tone is harsh..
..i am being a kid again..
..but i dunno how to hide my feeling ytd..
..i have too much a drop..
..to pretend to be happy in front of everyone is difficult..
..to pretend tat nutting happen is difficult..
..to pretend i dun care abt u is difficult..
..i am equally lost..
..even jiAyun and jErRin told me that botH have our own stand..
..i dunno why i am so unable to let go..
..i really dunno wat to do..
..i tot that if i can treat things easier..
..i tot that if i can be back to normal..
..i tot that by showing u that i dun feel hurt..
..everything ard us will be better..
..it will be better for the both of us..
...i cried again..
..i hate it when i cried..
..i totally feel like a kid to cry..
..wat shld i do to pick myself up again..
..my head is spinning..
..i never knew i loved u so much..
..i never knew i hate myself so much..
..teach me wat to do..
..will u..
..守护著等奇迹的你..
Friday, February 1, 2008 at 11:59 AM
Friday, February 1, 2008 at 11:59 AM