|| ..e l|ttle vo|ces u can f|nd |n me.. ||

- mOleCuLes Of mE -

..jO-aN tAn..
..fEmaLe..
..24 yrs old..
..8th aUg 1984..
..leO..
..seconds_09@hotmail.com..
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- aDvErtismenTs -

2.30am in the morning..

..OMG..

..why am i not asleep..

...penny of my thoughts...

why do things turn out to be like tat..

..slowly slowly..

this feeling is soon engulfing me..

..i dunno am i still fit for this game..

..have i fallen in love..

...or have i fallen out of love...

..BIG QUESTION MARK..

..dunno why i am feeling this way again..

..aRrgHz..

sometimes knowing too much does really hurt..

i really got to admit i am stubborn..

..am i wrong in tat..

..i shldnt have ask anything ytd..

though it is not the first time..

but this time round i am not confident at all..

..listen..not even a bit..

..i am at a tat junction again..

..why..

..at times i really do feel something foR him..

..at times he is sO sweet and niCe..

..sometimes he seems sO conCerned..

..yet sometimes i seems like nutting tO him..

..不能说的秘密..

..maybe tat is the thing tat sucks bahz..

i tot i will never encounter with this kind of things again..

i have enouGh of all liaoz..

..mOre than eNougH..

..everything is tOo much tO take bahz..

i realised i dun cry any more..

is it i am stronger..

is it i am able to control my feeling better..

or is it i can suppress my tears better..

i remb saying something before

"Crying is to relieve the pain in the heart.."

but now..

wat can i do to relieve the pain i have in my heart?

i feel neglected some way or another..

..dunno why..

..lonliness filling me up..

..my mind is full of things..

..things i dunno how to answer even to myself..

..i think i got serious depression..

am i destined to lead this complicated life..

..dunno..

..all i noe now is..

. .... .. .......

...if i can turn back the clock..

..守护著等奇迹的你..
Friday, August 31, 2007 at 2:25 AM

been home early today..

simple day though..

..lunch..

..go collect money frm money-changer..

..pay money to the shipping companies..

..simple..

..NO MOOD..

..something is missing today..

..worried..

..super duper worried..

..think i am paranoid..

..am i..

..i miss ~~~~..

.......

i noe i have mood swings..

but i guess i am fine again..

..lolz..

..my 'medicine' worked..

..i noe u all dunno wat i talking abt..

..hmmz..

..seriously..

i really wanted to ask wat is the feeling of being in love..

i can't seems to get it right though..

maybe tat why i dun wan to be in a r/ship bahz..

..confused..

..someone enlighten me pls..

..someone send me a e-mail juz now..

..rather interesting one..

..really..

..listen to it..

...................................................................

=..Qns..=

Why do people shout whenever they are angry??

=..Ans..=

When two people are angry..

the distance btw the two hearts are very far..

In order to close up the gap and let the other party hear..

tat why we will shout..

..BUT..

no one realised tat by shouting..

the other party will be more angry and upset..

thus the gap btw the two hearts grew further away..

which leads to more shoutings..

let's look frm another point of view..

when two parties are in love..

they tend to talk softly to each other's ears..

at times they dun even need words to communicate

a look would do all the talking..

but why is that so??

tat is because the distance btw them is so close together..

they dun even need to shout to get the attention they wan..

=..conclusion..=

in a heated argument..

never shout or say anything that makes the gap grow further..

never say anything hurtful cause of anger..

..the best solution..

wait for a couple of days then talk bahz..

...................................................................

after reading the clip..

i feel it is so true..

too true liaoz..

i often shout during arguments..

..in fact..

all i wan was juz the attention..

i juz wan that someone to listen to how i feel..

but often..

i forgotten tat not only i wan attention..

not only i wan to let others noe how i feel...

.....

growing up is a difficult phrase..

u lose someone precious to realise the pain of it..

u make mistakes tat some people can never forgive..

u need to learn how to make the right decisions in ur life..

u learn how to regret in order not make the same mistakes again..

this jigsaw of my life..

where are my missing pieces..

did i place the pieces wrongly..

i think so..

somehow..

..something and someone..

..守护著等奇迹的你..
Monday, August 27, 2007 at 5:40 PM

..very lonG never blog liaoz worz..
..been busY though..
..lolz..

....upDates of mY wEek....
..22th aug..
first day of my work..
well have a lunch tat last for 3 hours..
clients again..
wiLL my life be like this all the time??

after work
meet ah mO @ iKea..
tat's fun really..
he is so funny n different..
..lolz..

we went dinner @ dempsey road after shopping..
waited half an hour or more for one parking lot..
dunno who is more unlucky..
..lolz..

wat make the day worse is ..
we cannot find any restaurant..
they are all fully booked and packed..
haiz..wat a day..

we ended up at dOme cafe..
since it is the most empTy of all..
u shld look how mO flipped his menu woRz..
too bad i didnt take any photos though...

anyway..
it is a fun and fufilling day..
..credits to mR mO lEe..

_____________________________________

..23th aug..
second day of my work..
as usual...
lunch tat involved business talking..
took a long long time to finish lunch..
haiz..

after work...
i have my korean dinner with fabian..
..fun..

it is the first time i have korean bbq for dinner..
the side dishes surprises me..
so many of them..
all kinds of kimchi and all..

we have rice wine too..
thanks to the boss aka fabian's friend wor..
well i do have a liking for the wine though..
it tastes like beer without gas..
but better than the real beer without gas..
dunno how to explain la..
go try bahz..

took a few photos of the food though..
the spicy tofu soup...
..nice..
the meat for bbq are marintated so well tat u wun forget the taste ya..
though fabian say eating in korea taste better..
humph..
i aso wan to go koreA!!!

..my nEw faVouRitE plAce fOr bBq..

..fAbiAn aNd mE..

..a snApshOt oF faBian..

..those little little side dishes..

mY sauCes n apPetiseRs fOr thE bbQ

..faBiAn teLLinG mE waT aRe thE kimicHi..

..loOk aT aLL thE fOOd..

..hE mAkiNg fOod fOr mE wOr..

..dEssErtS aNd guEss waT thAt paCkEts thiNgs bAhZ..

..oUr fInisHed diNnEr..

i hAve fUn though..

and the food really is fantastic..

credits to faBian..

for the wonderful time and dinner..

huggies..

_______________________________________________

...weLL weLL...
a fulfillinG wEek i haVe..

goT to work at acouStc tonight though..

goT to cHase all mY dollaRs siGns back..

leT us aLL work hArd for tHe thngs we want n lfe bahz...

even how messy one's life is..

thiNk everything stLL gOeS on..

..i hAve u in mY hearT and mnd..

..bUt do u..

..aRe u really giving me up..

..守护著等奇迹的你..
Saturday, August 25, 2007 at 2:09 PM

不能说的秘密

冷咖啡離開了杯墊

我忍住的情緒在很後面

拼命想挽回的從前

在我臉上依舊清晰可見

最美的不是下雨天

是曾與你躲過雨的屋檐(oh~~)

回憶的畫面在蕩著秋千

夢開始不甜

你說把愛漸漸放下會走更遠

又何必去改變你說過的誓言

你用你的指尖指示我說再見

想象你在身邊在完全失去之前

你說把愛漸漸放下會走更遠

或許命運的簽只讓我們遇見

只讓我們相戀這一季的秋天

飄落後才發現這幸福的碎片

要我怎麼撿
_________________________

a new song i put in my blog..

think this song suits me the best bahz...

..thinking abt the movie ya..

..super duper nice..

..will i find someone like "him"..

been raining this few days..

haiz..

been thinking alot..

but why..

is it the rain that is making me so gloomy?

is it the air that making me so depressed?

is it my mind making me so unhappy?

is it my heart that is making everything so troubled ?

so many things happened..

so many decisions made..

there is really something which is...

..不能说的秘密..

i have so many things running in my mind..

so many..

yet..

i dunno who to talk to..

how to drown my sorrows...

..i am still so alone..

i have decided something everyone dun like..

i did something no one will believe..

but i have my reasons..

i really have..

i dun need people to agree on the things i do..

i dun need people to judge if i am right..

i only need support and encouragment...

will u all still be there for me when i need u..

i need everyone..

..守护著等奇迹的你..
Monday, August 20, 2007 at 2:02 AM

..liSten to this song..

actually miss this song so much..

i tot i used to love it..

not noeing tat i am still loving it..

Westlife - Miss You lyrics

I can't sleep,
I just can't breathe,
When your shadow is all over me, baby.
Don't wanna be a fool in your eyes,
'Cause what we had was built on lies.

And when our love seems to fade away,
Listen to me - hear what I say...

I don't wanna feel the way that I do,
I just wanna be right here with you,
I don't wanna see, see us apart,
I just wanna say it straight from my heart:
I miss you...

What would it take for you to see?
To make you understand,That I'll always believe (always believe)
You and I can make it through,
And I still know I can't get over you.

'Cause when our love seems to fade away,
Listen to me - hear what I say...

I don't wanna feel the way that I do,
I just wanna be right here with you,
I don't wanna see, see us apart (see us apart)
I just wanna say it straight from my heart:
Oh, baby I miss you, I do...

'Cause when our love always fades away,
Listen to me - hear what I say...

I don't wanna feel the way that I do,
I just wanna be right here with you,
I don't wanna see, see us apart, (oh no, see us apart)
I just wanna say it straight from my heart:
I miss you, I miss you, I do...

I don't wanna feel the way that I do (the way that I do)
I just wanna be (just wanna be) right here with you (right here with you)
I don't wanna see (don't wanna see) see us apart (see us apart, oh, baby)
I just wanna say it straight from my heart:
Oh baby I miss you, I do

..lovely song ritez..

..守护著等奇迹的你..
Tuesday, August 14, 2007 at 5:45 PM

fEeling lame after dOing my new bloG skins..
was scroLLing jiayUn's bLog and decided to do thiS lame thing..
wahahaha..
a little crazy after a few hrs of slp..
__________

Instructions::
1. Put your music player on shuffle.

2. Press forward for each question.

3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesnt make sense.

How are you feeling today?

有一种爱叫做放手
(meaning i got to let go of someone??)

Will you get far in life?

Jay Chou - Initial-D Theme
(meaning i am stuck in one road)

How do your friends see you?

White Lion - Send me an Angel
(i never knew i am an angel)
Will you get married?

Alejandro Fernandez - Te Quiero
(i got so romantic mehz??)

What's your best friend's theme song?

Crybaby Soundtrack - King Cry-Baby

What is the story of your life?

You Hong Ming - Lian Shang Yi Ge Ren
(is everything only abt love?)

What was primary school like?

Stella Huang - Wen Yu
(reminds me of those raining net-ball trainings)

How can you get ahead in life?

Liu Geng Hong - Cai Hong Tian Tang
(to find myself a heaven made on earth???)
What is the best thing about your friends?

Indecent Obsession - Fixing A Broken Heart
(...true..they are always there for me when i am down..)
What is in store for this weekend?

S.H.E - 月桂女神
(a moon viewing session??)
What song describes you?

Richie Valens - You're Mine
(whose's mine)
To describe your grandparents?

Lau Shu Ai Da Mi(English Version)

How is your life going?

Zhao Wei - Jian Jian
(so-so..so true)
What song will they play at your funeral?

Cutting Crew - I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight
(how applicable!!)

How does the world see you?

張宇 - Cheng zao
(..dunno..)

Will you have a happy life?

X Japan - Tears
(looks like tears are suppose to bring out sad and happy times.)

What do your friends really think of you?

Zhang Feng Qi - Wan Jun Biao Mei
(do i always need ppl to look after me??)

Do people secretly lust after you?

Childrens - 100 songs for kids - the muffin man
(wat a song..they took me like a kid)

How can I make myself happy?

The Platters - Blue Moon
(hoping for a blue moon???)
What should you do with your life?

King Arthur & The Knights Of The Round Table Theme
(hmmz..i shld start leading..)
Will you ever have children?

Roger Whittaker - Danny Boy
(think my first-born is a boy bahz..)

___________

dunno if it is true..
it is juz for the sake of fun..
i am really bored though..

..lame..

..守护著等奇迹的你..
Saturday, August 11, 2007 at 12:21 AM

a little tired..

feeling very dehydrated..
having a bad headache
..thanks to Christina for knocking my head at the door...

ytd was fun..
my 23th birthday..
i have a rather good time though..
but something is missing somewhere..

i start off my day with my beloved brother..
we are supposed to meet for lunch..
but due to my long make-up time and constant changing of clothes..
i reach ard 5 plus at bugis..
well he waited for me very long at home though..
i have the best brother in the world..
even though he made me wait at bugis for half an hour..

after a long walk at bugis..
we headed for dinner at Fish and Co..
had seafood platter for two..
and this giant cup of jungle freeze..
i enjoyed my dinner though..
it was fun talking to him abt the past..

me and kewei kor at Fish and Co

me drinking my huge jungle freeze

my finished dinner

after dinner we went to acoustic..
well..not a very big grp though..
juz a few of my rather close friends..
have a few btl of martell and juggies of beer..

joke of the day..
my birthday cake!!
i had two cakes actually..
both dun look like a really birthday cake though..
but i had fun..
cause it is so funny..
i have the photos for it..
take a look at them below..

my lighted birthday cake

the true form of my "cake"

5 pretty girls..(see my second small last min cake bought by alex..)

something extra nice happened ytd..
got my first trishaw ride in my life..
credit for my brother kewei..
it was fun though..and i actually noe more abt Singapore..
the uncle aso very strong..
we shld be very heavy bahz..
fun and enjoyable time..

me and the trishaw uncle..

me and kor kor kewei at the ride

well every things are rather perfect..
almost "everyone" wish me..
i have a wonderful time though..
thanks guys..
for everything..
i had a really really good time..
..credits to all..

joLyN and me

jeRrin and me

jeRrin..me..jiAyuN

wAntiNg aNd mE

tHe 5 oF uS..

vRoN aNd mE

at least this year's birthday i didn't cry bahz..
or did i?
totally got no idea..
was half drunk and all...

i gtg back for a little nap now..
the headache is killing me now..
i am so tired..
slept at ard 6 yet slept till 11 plus only..
..nitez..

..守护著等奇迹的你..
Friday, August 10, 2007 at 9:24 AM

..7th aug..

..12.52 am..

another 23 hrs is my birthday liaoz..

feeLing boring abt it...

dunno why..

well not everything is not smooth-running..

some beautiful things did happen though..

something tat makes me feel happy though..

...i shld not have...
...but who will noe...

i have been watching Bleach and Naruto past few days..

think i am really very hooked on all these anime ya..

dunno how u all feel..

but they always seems to have hidden meanings to me...

"if u fear defeat,

get stronger so u wun lose..

if u can't protect the ones u wan to protect ,

get stronger so u can protect them.."

seriously..

i have been thinking very hard..

i am not strong at all..

not even to say emotionally strong..

i shld say i am emotionally very weak..

..arrgh..

i have always been making myself look strong..

making this surrounded guarding force ard me..

i am afraid of defeats and failures..

well who does not..

i dun even dare to face my own feelings tat i have long time hid away..

seeing Naruto..

makes me realise i have always been wasting my time..

not trying my best for everything...

even he started out with no one ard..

no one who like him...

but i am far more lucky..

i dun wan to waste my time anymore..

this time round i wan to do my best..

i only wan something tat i craved and achieve myself..

i will..

..守护著等奇迹的你..
Tuesday, August 7, 2007 at 12:50 AM